| Stage jump | He is stuck because | The instruction | Say this |
|---|---|---|---|
STAGE 1 → 2 It strengthens me ↓ I strengthen myself | Every yes comes from you. He has never finished a decision that was only his. | Give him one real decision with a written ceiling, then refuse to answer inside it. When he asks you, ask him back what he would do. Make his decision small enough that he will succeed. | “Up to [limit] this is yours. Don’t ask me. Tell me after.” Do not answer even once, because one answer puts him back where he was. |
STAGE 2 → 3 I strengthen myself ↓ I have impact on others | His power is what he knows so he delivers himself. Sharing it feels like losing it. | Give him a result he cannot deliver alone, and send him to sit with the person who will use it. Measure him on what changed for that other person. | “This is yours and you cannot do it alone. Go and sit with [name] who you will help finish it.” Do not focus on time. Encourage coordination at the expense of speed. |
STAGE 3 → 4 I have impact on others ↓ It moves me to do my duty | He is strong because people need him, so they follow him. | Put him in charge of something moral or ethical that the company needs, such as a value or a purpose, and make him decide in the name of it instead of his own. He has to buy it first. | “When you say no, say it because the value or the purpose say no. Let your action be driven by them.” Do not let him win by his position, because that puts the power back inside him. |
| Strategy | Your False-Self protects you from | The price your team pays | |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Perfect | Being wrong, or not good enough | They hear the correction every time, and the approval almost never. |
| 2 | Connected | Being unwanted and unloved | You say yes to everyone, and the only person you let down is yourself. |
| 3 | Outstanding | Being worth nothing without your results | You are the reason your team never learned to do it without you. |
| 4 | Unique | Being ordinary, with no meaning | You would rather be understood than be effective. |
| 5 | Detached | Being useless and incapable | Your team does not know what you are thinking, so they invent it. |
| 6 | Secure | Being left without support | You see every risk except the cost of your investigation overload and taking on too much. |
| 7 | Excited | Being trapped in pain or missing out | You start more than anyone, and finish less than everyone. |
| 8 | Powerful | Being controlled or hurt by others | Nobody tells you the truth, and you take the silence as agreement. |
| 9 | Peaceful | Conflict, and losing the connection | You avoid one difficult conversation and create ten. |
| Strategy | Driven by the need to be | What it means for your type | |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Perfect | Good and right | Nothing with my name on it may contain a mistake. |
| 2 | Connected | Wanted and loved | Being needed by everybody. |
| 3 | Outstanding | Valued and admired | Doing it better than anyone else. |
| 4 | Unique | Authentic and meaningful | Being different from them. |
| 5 | Detached | Competent and capable | Never being caught not knowing. |
| 6 | Secure | Safe and supported | Anticipating everything that could go wrong. |
| 7 | Excited | Satisfied and content | Keeping every option open. |
| 8 | Powerful | Independent and protected | Never being controlled by anyone. |
| 9 | Peaceful | Untroubled and harmonious | No friction. |
| Strategy | Accelerator | Putting the accelerator into action | |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Perfect | Acceptance | — Making things better from where they actually are, not from where they should have been. — The standard is met by the team, not by my hands. — Being right about what matters most, not about everything all the time. |
| 2 | Connected | Empathy | — Knowing what the other person actually feels, instead of guessing what they need from me. — Being connected enough to say No and stay close. — Giving because they asked, not to get someone’s attention. |
| 3 | Outstanding | Purpose | — Building people who outgrow me. — Being outstanding at something that still matters after I leave the room. — Winning in a way the team can repeat without me. |
| 4 | Unique | Individuation | — Being fully myself without measuring myself against anyone. — Bringing what only I can bring to ordinary work, not only to special work. — Meaning something to the people in front of me, not to an imagined audience. |
| 5 | Detached | Conscious Practice | — Becoming capable in public, not only in private. — Practicing the thing I am not yet good at, in front of people. — Sharing what I know while I am still learning it. |
| 6 | Secure | Evidence | — Trusting my own track record and history instead of re-checking it and reconfirming it. — Deciding on the evidence I have, and accepting to correct later if I need to. — Making the team safe, rather than making myself certain. |
| 7 | Excited | Enjoyment | — Being fully in the thing I am doing now instead of in the next one. — Finishing something and enjoying that, which no new idea can give me. — Staying in a difficult conversation long enough for it to become interesting. |
| 8 | Powerful | Self-Discipline | — Using my force where it is needed and holding it where it is not. — Being strong enough to give people room to disagree with me. — Protecting people by building structure, not by carrying everything myself. |
| 9 | Peaceful | Generativity | — Working on the type of peace that is built, not on the peace achieved through avoidance. — Growing the people and their right capabilities to keep the peace after me. — Saying my own opinion in the room, not only listening to everyone else’s. |
| Strategy | The Derailer | What it does to your judgement | |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Perfect | Black and white | You see right & wrong, and miss that decisions depend on the situation. |
| 2 | Connected | Playing favourites | You judge an idea by who brings it, not by what it says. |
| 3 | Outstanding | Showing-off | You leave out the less attractive facts so the result looks good. |
| 4 | Unique | Insisting on being right | You defend your position and treat other opinions as hostile. |
| 5 | Detached | Thinking too much | You keep analysing and let the moment to act pass. |
| 6 | Secure | Pessimism | You look for what could go wrong and miss what could go right. |
| 7 | Excited | Talking too much | You fill the silence and stop connecting to ask probing questions. |
| 8 | Powerful | Always being right | You stop hearing feedback and other points of view. |
| 9 | Peaceful | Fuzzy on details | You quietly forget the unpleasant details of an agreement. |